Every day you always hope for that perfect day going for you that everything goes your way whenever you are near her. I mean, we try so hard to be cool and steady in her presence that more often than not, we end up smacking our heads with our palms, behind her back because of some silly things that you’ve said that may accidentally have taken her off, or at least you thought it did, especially with friends, that cross the line, but you know you can’t be angry at them on the same way. The point being is, even if you have that much of experience you always end up taking pauses and take time just to clear your throat whenever she walks by. You are powerless. Legs not working, you can’t get them to move. Microbes had eaten your chest. You are infected.
I don’t mean to pry, but it is an outbreak and there is no cure. Most of us are in the same pair of shoes, just a matter of preference of what size and brand of shoes we’d be wearing. I don’t have the answers on how you can sweep her off her feet, nor the ‘one-liners’ and ‘come on moves’, none of those. But I know songs. And I know that songs have the same effect as that microbe we were referring about. Not to help pursue her, not to help you understand what you are going through, none of those. Again you are infected.
It’s like an incurable disease. You’d start noticing every detail about her, what color she usually wears, is she a lefty? those Mickey mouse ears, childlike ways, her stilettos, her hormonal mood swings that you are unusually obsessed about, then there’s the teasing but for you, it is normal, for now. Then you’ll feel that things are getting pretty scary, and at times you may think that you are losing it, but you’re not. Believe me, you are just fine. Those are just the microbes working. Most of the times, just to hide your addiction, by this thing called pretension, you feel like an actor in a play, convincing your audience, her, that you don’t care. Won’t work, it will boomerang. It is math. Expect that it is accurate.
Now, there is nothing left to do but to just tell her how you feel, but you just can’t. As a remedy, you’d then turn to heart amplifiers. Every day you’d put on those headphones, hoping to find your saving grace, you’d correlate every line in every song with those entwined days that you’d wish to spend with her – sitting on a bench, tangerine fields, rabbit clouds, and coffee stains shared morning views, breakfast. And as you listen, as you take on that curve, and the stretch of an avenue from your office, to the bus stop, everything around you are like moving pictures, a film and your playlist is the score. And as the scenes in your head roll, you turn your head from left to right, looking at the city lights and the highway hues. And the immovable feeling will kill you at every end of each song. Darn microbes.
And before you know it, you’d be listening to way too much of Thom Yorke and his bizarre ballads, finding yourself in strawberry fields, looking at Lucy’s eyes, ever longing for those Fender imposed C minors and B flats, waltzing away, with her thoughts, trying to find the words between the lines on how you can finally ask her to have that first cigarette with you. Darn microbes.